Why do I always fall for the impossible?

He sat on the edge of her bed. Even though there were a million flowery scents in the air, the room still reeked of death. There was nothing there for anyone to find except a torn page out of her diary, brutally ripped in anger or anguish. It was written in a flourish or a frenzy of emotion, but it was old. Not truly a suicide note, not anything else.

It was just a excerpt out of her life. It was just a glimpse into the depths of her soul. It was benign text born out of some turmoil. It was a treasure of words won after a bloody battle. It was a useless piece of death. It was nothing. It was everything. It was the only thing.

He had visited her room ten times before for a clue to any foul play. He found none. Every single visit just revealed more misery, deprivation and insanity. He had put his cap and badge on the table,where they shone with authority. He felt none of that. Looking down at the torn page, he felt helpless. He felt empty.

I wish I could concentrate on things other than you, but for some inexplicable reason, all I think about, all I dream about, all I live through is you. It is not a normal thing. It is not acceptable, it is almost sickening, but I cannot shun you or your thoughts. I cannot forget you. I cannot let go of your thoughts. I cannot let go of you. You are the one constant in my life that I want so desperately to vary. You are my undoing, my destruction, my loss, my everything.

I prayed that either you would be thrown in my life, or thrown out of my head. Neither happened. I am losing faith in myself. No one knows of the future. All I know is that it should be deprived of you, because you are going to be the death of me.

He did not wonder who or what she was referring to. He only wondered one thing. He only asked one question:

Why do I always fall for the impossible? 

A/n: The image does not belong to me at all. It was retrieved from this amazing blog
—> http://halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/depression-why-opening-the-curtains-can-cause-more-suffering-and-other-advice/

10 comments

  1. Tonia · December 17, 2013

    What a wonderfully-written sad story!

    Obsesson is a scary mind situation but i hope she didnt kill herself over him. We shouldnt love so much that life’s happiness is dependent on another human being. There are too many other beautiful things in life worth living for…and we have to accept that it is not possible to have them all, including the pleasure of loving and being loved.

  2. Tonia · December 17, 2013

    …and his question about falling for the impossible is probably what she too was thinking….

    I have to ask you…the writer…why DO we fall for the impossible? ..is it coincidence or a self-defeating script we create for ourselves, to make life a self-fulfilled prophecy of unhappiness?

    • anumshafique · December 18, 2013

      Or perhaps it is the way of the world… we move towards destruction, towards disarray… we are attracted to that which we cannot possess or which has the power to destroy us..

      • Tonia · December 18, 2013

        is it not instinctual to want to survive?

        OR, do we know death is inevitable and will wish it sooner for the sake of controlling it?

        I have to agree with you that some of us do fall for the impossible ..

        • anumshafique · December 18, 2013

          Perhaps, we are all correct… Perhaps, none of us are…

  3. sevader · December 17, 2013

    Reblogged this on Belle époque.

  4. Himz · December 19, 2013

    Awesome story I am blown away! Sometime sylvia plath had quoted that we fall for things that destroy us in the end…seems similar. Why do we want the impossible? Why do we like playing with fire the emotions that would only hurt us more in the end…may be we are attracted to pain, the high it gives us and makes us insane!

    • anumshafique · December 19, 2013

      It is odd how that is so true sometimes… We are, perhaps, attracted to destruction… :/
      Thank you for your lovely comment. I am glad you enjoyed my story! 🙂

      • Himz · December 19, 2013

        I could relate to it absolutely! Sigh.

  5. Pingback: why-do-i-always-fall-for-the-impossible #Story #MentalHealth | johndwmacdonald

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