13 comments

  1. joesorandom · April 4, 2014

    welcome to the club. we all make that mistake

    • anumshafique · April 5, 2014

      Alas, I guess I’m going to be a permanent member of that club. :/

  2. fergusandthedruid · April 4, 2014

    Hmm… an additional clue for context would be helpful with this mystery… the person you were wrong about, is it a good thing or a bad thing that you were wrong about them? People can be confusing and easily misunderstood, like you right now for example, and myself often times.

    We are all probably wrong about everyone to some extent, in positive and negative ways, especially ourselves, as notions are often preconceived or drawn from over-reading into select incidents we’ve observed with others. Even if select incidents are observed as patterns of behavior, our notions of them might be formed from not fully knowing the reasons behind their behavior.

    We can’t read people’s thoughts, or know what they’re going through totally, or how the stresses of their lives personally effect them… we all have different pain thresholds. Some of us carry past pains like we’re carrying our own little worlds on our shoulders like Atlas, and the size of our plate and the metaphorical broadness of our shoulders and the weight and size of the portions life dishes out to us from various burdens and blessings can seem to increase and decrease as time and experience passes.

    My point is, it’s incredibly easy to misjudge someone, or judge them more harshly then they deserve.

    For example, in the past when I was more judgmental and arrogant, I could easily be dismissive of you for seeming coy and secretive, and judge you as someone who is playing mind games… but in truth, I don’t know what you are going through, and why you are being mysterious! Perhaps you are simply having fun being mysterious like I often do in my poems… it is rather fun πŸ˜› Or perhaps you are going through some inner struggle with something and you are coping with it by letting your defenses down a little at a time, wanting to make peace and reconcile with someone you have had difficulty with being unguarded around… I don’t know, and I don’t judge you, and you don’t need to explain…

    People change, and when people are trying to change, for the better, it’s a good idea to show them grace, patience, and encouragement.

    I have changed personally from my judgementalness of someone who is secretive, having given serious thought and consideration to the saying often attributed to Plato “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

    I’m sharing my insights with you, not just to make points and conversation, but because I am still trying to change, and because I believe there’s some truth to the internet saying β€œWe learn… 10 percent of what we read, 20 percent of what we hear, 30 percent of what we see, 50 percent of what we see and hear, 70 percent of what we discuss with others, 80 percent of what we experience, and 95 percent of what we teach to someone.”

    I personally believe we’re worse than we think we are, yet loved by the Divine more than we know. I also believe we should show grace to those who we realize we were wrong about in negative ways too, even if they have hurt us, though I don’t believe that means we must feel the need to continue to let ourselves be hurt by them. We’ve all been jerks to someone, we’ve all been cruel at some point to someone in our lives, and said and done senseless, stupid, selfish things, both in the moment and premeditated.

    “We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
    ― AnaΓ―s Nin

    Below is an excerpt of something a psychic (yeah, a psychic… lol) said about me for example, that gives some context to the ease of misunderstanding of some, especially those who are expressive like us poets and poetry fans, who are a very unusual, complicated bunch compared to the rest of the population who don’t appreciate and enjoy the beauty of creative expression the same way…

    “You are very unusual, Ryan Christopher Scales, highly intuitive and psychic. You should be closely associated with those who study such phenomena from the spiritual viewpoint, rather than purely academically, as phenomena only. You are a dreamy soul and certainly should keep a dream journal: through your dreams, meditations and even daydream-reveries you have a natural mode of expression in which you can be a source of helpful guidance. Through recording your dream life you can warn and guide many other people, as well as yourself.

    You are highly emotional, almost obsessive at times, yet very calm at others. This shifting of feelings is rooted in your difficulty in seeing clearly where your emotions are involved. This can result in self-deception upon occasion, and should be balanced by a focus on spiritual principles and ideals rather than metaphysical ideas.

    While sincerity is a very important virtue to you, others do not always interpret your actions in this way. One reason for the disillusionment that comes with your likely conflict between integrity and deceitfulness is your tendency to be continually seeking that which is just beyond your grasp. This mystical, spiritual perfectionist attitude on one hand makes it difficult for projects to be completed, while on the other at times causes others to doubt both your intentions and your real abilities. In turn, you may begin to seriously doubt them too.

    While going even most of your life appearing to be peculiar to other people and rarely understood, you have exceptional spiritual insight concerning soul development in the earth plane. You are one whom others may be greatly benefited through their contact with you.”

    • anumshafique · April 5, 2014

      Wow, your comments are getting longer by the second… LOL. Thank you once again for formulating such a thorough response. People are dynamic creatures. One second they are like the pacific, calm and serene, at others they are like Passaic,tumultuous, crazy, sometimes even violent. People can’t be penned down. You cannot say that this person is thus. You can’t say this person is good, this person is bad even. People are just people, an ever changing array of good, bad, happy, sad, ecstatic, depressed, angry, calm etc. Change is in our blood. We evolve with every breath.

      • fergusandthedruid · April 5, 2014

        Ah, I just realized how long my comment was… I get carried away in writing so easily, and frequently lose myself in it! But yes, people are seas, nice allegory! It’s one I frequently use in poetry in relation to people, others and myself.

      • fergusandthedruid · April 5, 2014

        By the way, Passaic is not a word I was familiar with, so I googled it. Did you mean the Passaic River of northern New Jersey, very close to the Atlantic Ocean?

        I may be reading into your use of the word, but you really do seem like a lady Moriarty… very clever, if you purposely used bodies of water on opposite coasts of the US as an offhand illustration, using the states like a spectrum scale.

        You remind me of someone who used to live near me here in the middle of the “spectrum scale” of the US, who moved out near the pacific, that I mentioned in this post you liked last week http://21shadesofblue.com/2014/03/29/home-6-tankas-by-ry-hakari-home-by-emily-dickinson-combinatorial-creativity/

        Like her, you are mysterious, and speak with depth, that if the Passaic you mentioned is as I thought, that is out in the open and likely to be overlooked by the average observer. If that is what you are really like, then you and I have that in common.

        Either way, I am enjoying our correspondence and the start of what looks to be an online friendship.

        I can’t remember if I’ve introduced myself now… Fergus and the Druid (my commenting name) is the title of a William Butler Yeats poem about continuously changing one’s identity out of discontent that I resonate with, but you may call me Ryan.

        Unless you prefer Lady Moriarty, or perhaps L.M., what should I call you? I am sure that normally this early in a casual online friendship, giving nicknames contradicts social etiquette norms, and I confess, I am somewhat of a social misfit, so I hope my friendliness hasn’t come across so pretentious that it’s repugnant and you are just politely overlooking it, like I am sure happened years ago with the woman I have said you remind me of and myself…. Change is indeed in our blood, but sometimes our evolving personalities have facets that take on a cockroach-like stubbornness that survives even the ebb of time and the flow of the breath of life. Sometimes old habits, like roaches, die hard, though the life surrounding may experience drastic change.. 😦

        • anumshafique · April 6, 2014

          Well Ryan, I thought your name was Ry before, LOL, Passaic is indeed a river that flows into the Atlantic. The purpose was not to use the states as a spectrum, never having been to the country. Instead it was to use the peace of the Pacific and the violence of one of the fastest flowing rivers in the world. πŸ™‚
          Regards,
          Anum <— my name.

          • fergusandthedruid · April 6, 2014

            It is indeed Ry, its a nickname for Ryan that actually means “water”. I’ve frequently used it to personify myself as a river. It never really caught on with my good friends, and was originally meant to go with Ry Hakari, a pseudonym I created when I started this blog to hide my identity. I’m slowly considering using my real name in blogging, or at least my full first name. My point is, my most sincere friends call my Ryan, so it feels more natural to me, when making friends, to introduce myself as Ryan now. I will still be signing my poems as Ry Hakari for the time being I guess, but I actually don’t always sign my new poems, with the format I post them in. I don’t care a whole lot about getting proper credit for them, and if people decided to plagiarize me, I wouldn’t really mind, I’ll never make money with my poetry, and I can always write new poems, I have written so many, and I can always write more.

            Well, for being from another country, you seem like you would fit in here… or perhaps not, not meaning to dis my country, but the intellegence you seem to reflect in your speaking is something I guess could be considered to set you apart from the general population of any country, and as I have received high marks on aptitutude tests, I am really just thinking you could relate well to me as a US citizen, and overlooking the fact that I don’t totally fit in with most people here. Not as a matter of national identity, I guess I just feel I am not easily understood and hard to relate to by most. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing in certain contexts I suppose.

            Pretty name by the way, Anum! I looked up it’s meaning (I do that often with names), and saw something about it sometimes being the name given to a fifth child born, and that it is the name of a village in Ghana, and that it means “God’s blessing.” Pretty neat!

  3. deadpoetdormis2 · April 4, 2014

    hmmm Pride and Prejudice… it happens to the besat of us…

  4. randomrose · April 5, 2014

    In a good way or bad way?

    • anumshafique · April 5, 2014

      Most times, in a bad way. Sometimes in a terrible way. But a few times, in the most amazing of ways! πŸ™‚

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